The Urge to Purge

Much to my mother's consternation, I've never lived by the  "a place for everything and everything in its place" mantra.  I like clean, but I can stand some clutter.  And there's a lot of other things I'd rather do than sort through everything that needs sorting through right when it needs doing.  But it's gotten a bit out of hand lately. Not "I should be on Hoarders" crazy, but "Where the hell did all this crap COME FROM?!" crazy.  And WHY do I need all of it?


That's the point. I don't need all of it.  I may not even need half of it. But where to start?  I can organize a closet if I can do the whole thing at once. If I have to break it up over several days, it stresses me out. But then it becomes easier to not do it. Except I hit a wall. The clutter is driving me mad. I want to simplify, get rid of all the stuff I don't need and I want to be more organized.


So, I hired a professional organizer.  We meet for the first time on Friday.  This is simultaneously liberating and terrifying. I want to be free of the clutter, I want to be more organized, I want to simplify, and I want to live and love more with less.  I just would prefer a magic wand or a house elf to do it and not actually have to involve myself in the process.  I attach a ridiculous sentimentality to some things.  Like gifts I'll never use, but I feel guilty for giving them away because it was important to someone that I have it. 


There are bins in the bottom of one closet I should toss without looking in them. I know I am keeping the contents for some reason, but I can't tell you at all what that is.  I'm sure I'll remember once I start looking through them. And this is where I expect said organizer to look at me as though I have three heads and calmly instruct me to toss it anyway. There's other stuff that will be easier to get rid of.  I just have to do it, perhaps channeling my friend Amanda, label maker and storage bins in hand.


On an intellectual level, I know what needs to be done.  In theory, I could do it myself. But I need that voice of reason to push me to get rid of the things I don't really need, and in some cases even want.  Someone who won't buy into the justifications I give for wanting to keep something.  And I want this to be the start of yet another change.  Something that makes me question purchases in the future- what value will this give me, if I allow it into my home.


Truth be told, I'm excited, along with the dread of actually completing the taks and anticipation of the liberation I expect to feel when  all is said and done.